There is a spool of white translucent threads that spins from random directions, hovering above my 'thoughts' when I'm neither fully awake nor fully asleep. It's large in appearance but weightless otherwise, finally heavier as I wake as its threads gain more weight, becoming more real. It is the most pleasant, satisfied, and contented state I am evverrrr in when the spool is perfectly weightless and clear. I hate being awake, it causes me so much distress!

( some recent doodles )

http://www.wimp.com/massivesnails
so... weird. I would not like those on my arm.

This birthday was the first time I can remember ever not being sick on my birthday! Wait that doesn't make sense. I just mean that I wasn't sick on my birthday for once in my life and it felt very nice.

I really just need a baked potato today
BLHAHewhdjaf;jwd


What a sorry rose
I have so much to read tomorrow. I've got to call my mother back soon. I've still got to buy myself a chair. Why is Wendy's so far away!?!!!!!

Just made myself an omu-rice. rice omlette? omlette with rice. Man, I miss the home of my old and boring everydays

http://www.jinjoohwang.com/6

"'Not to find one's way in a city may well be uninteresting and banal. It requires ignorance- nothing more,' says the twentieth-century philosopher-essayist Walter Benjamin. 'But to lose oneself in a city- as one loses oneself in a forest- that calls for quite a different schooling.' To lose yourself: a voluptuous surrender, lost in your arms, lost to the world, utterly immersed in what is present so that its surroundings fade away. In Benjamin's terms, to be lost is to be fully present, and to be fully present is to be capable of being in uncertainty and mystery. And one does not get lost but loses oneself, with the implication that it is a conscious choice, a chosen surrender, a psychic state achievable through geography."
Rebecca Solnit: A Field Guide to Getting Lost

"It is a surprising and memorable, as well as valuable experience, to be lost in the woods any time. Often in a snow-storm, even by day, one will come out upon a well-known road and yet find it impossible to tell which way leads to the village. Though he knows that he has travelled it a thousand times, he cannot recognize a feature in it, but it is as strange to him as if it were a road in Siberia. By night, of course, the perplexity is infinitely greater. In our most trivial walks, we are constantly, though unconsciously, steering like pilots by certain well-known beacons and headlands, and if we go beyond our usual course we still carry in our minds the bearing of some neighboring cape; and not till we are completely lost, or turned round — for a man needs only to be turned round once with his eyes shut in this world to be lost — do we appreciate the vastness and strangeness of nature. Every man has to learn the points of compass again as often as he awakes, whether from sleep or any abstraction. Not till we are lost, in other words not till we have lost the world, do we begin to find ourselves, and realize where we are and the infinite extent of our relations."
Henry David Thoreau: Walden

Every sunday for the past month, I haven't been able to wake up early enough to take the shuttle with all the other city kids, and I always end up taking the lirr to church by myself. I absolutely love this time of the week, I absolutely love these train rides to myself. There's just something so magical about moving any which way by a force uncontrollable to me. Train rides, flights, road trips, floating in the ocean, falling. It's the forward movement that is so well the equidistance of the travels I take in my head when I space out/day dream/and just let my mind wander. These sundays are the times that I'm able to talk to the people I would otherwise never be in the moment to meet, like the kids at the back of the sanctuary, the custodians at penn station, the lady on her way to Trenton. I'm about an hour late to church and while I should feel guilty and sorry, I can't bring myself to feel anything but satisfied, hahaha.

2010 Basso&Brooke and assorted Bora Aksu



because my external hard drive is only mac-compatible at the moment :(

Fucus vesiculosus var. linearis
from
Ocean Flowers: Anna Atkins's Cyanotypes of British Algae

Embryonic stars in the Small Magellanic Cloud and nebula NGC 346
from
Terry Hope's Spacecam

Tonight, I am going to:
bake and eat my sweet potato with my saltine crackers and goober, clip and take the color off of my nails, wash and intensely condition my hair, change the bandage on my disgusting toe, finish painting all 25 croquis, plan my day of errands tomorrow, email my teachers, download some more folktronica/psychadelic folk, scan some more books, search for chairs on craigslist, browse the WWD, WGSN, and NYPL digital galleries before I go to bed, fall asleep watching The Life Aquatic, and sleep at least 5 hours from a pleasantly exhausting day.

Hello hello. Here are a few spreads from the moleskine I'm trying to fill up to give to Brian. Hadn't done much art or anything over the summer, but I didn't completely give into the laziness either.

( synthesis )

I have to continually remind myself that there is no discipline in using a pencil.

Finally getting internet soon!!!! Sooj and I are almost fully moved in. All I need now are random wooden chairs and red desk legs from Ikea.

The most beloved of my favorite colors, found in the deserts of Saudi Arabia.
http://www.princeton.edu/artofscience/gallery2006/view.php%3Fid=21.html

In science and art combined are what I believe to be the most beautiful things

Sigh.
Every single website I've read on Delayed sleep-phase syndrome (DSPS) has been a complete matching description of everything I've been curious about regarding my retarded sleeping schedule/habits. They've only gotten worse by every passing year. It's funny, I never even thought that such a syndrome would exist, or that I would actually have it. I'm 100% completely sure that I've had DSPS for the past 7 years of my life, at LEAST. It's so interesting. I'd probably be diagnosed with a severe case, hahaha. I wonder if it being a circadian rhythm sleep disorder has anything to do with the surgery I had when I was 3. I really am not normal at all yeyyy

What is Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome (DSPS)?
It is a disorder in which the major sleep episode is delayed by 2 or more hours of the desired bedtime. This causes difficulty awakening at the desired time.

What are the symptoms?
* Complaint of insomnia or excessive sleepiness
* inability to fall asleep at the desired time
* inability to wake up at the desired time
* Depression may be present
* This sleep pattern has been present for 3 months
source: http://www.stanford.edu/~dement/delayed.html

DSPS patients are typically unable to fall asleep before 2 a.m., regardless of how early they got up the previous day or how tired they may be. For some, it is impossible to sleep before 6 or 7 a.m.

Some people with DSPS manage to function on a few hours' sleep a night during the working week, then "catch up" by sleeping excessively at the weekend. But their ability to think clearly often suffers, and the irregular sleep-wake pattern is likely to have long-term consequences.

Some DSPS people are on occasion able to rise early for a few days at a time. But typically they are not able to perform well on this schedule, and they would not be able to keep this up on a consistent basis over a longer period of time. Also, such a temporary change can "confuse" the body's circadian clock, resulting in an erratic circadian rhythm and making it difficult to return to the previous regular schedule.

Many people with this disorder deny the existence of a problem and refuse to accept that they may not be suited for a 9-to-5 lifestyle. This denial often is encouraged by friends and relatives claiming there is no such problem as DSPS and accusing the DSPS individual of "just being lazy" or lacking will power. (haha sigh.. aka mother)
source: http://dspsinfo.tripod.com

People with DSPS tend to be extreme night owls. They feel most alert and say they function best and are most creative in the evening and at night. DSPS patients cannot simply force themselves to sleep early. They may toss and turn for hours in bed, and sometimes not sleep at all, before reporting to work or school.
source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Delayed_sleep_phase_syndrome

Funny how I stumbled upon information about DSPS at all.. I actually was stumbling, hahaha. I love my StumbleUpon bar!

I don't really know why I am so 'MIA,' or maybe I just can't explain it because I know it's ridiculous and it doesn't make sense to me either. The point to the jumble in my head is that now, I probably have the most catching up to do (on the internet) that I have ever had.. to do? I've got some photos to help fill in though, eheh. Not good enough, I know. It's so dumb that going on the internet, tumblr, facebook, whatever, always ends up making me so angry and apathetic about.. almost everyone, including myself. It doesn't make any senseeee help meee

( nothing exciting )

So dull. Baldwin Beach at Lake Tahoe is great.